Winston Churchill said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

True, but courage alone does not make a good listener.  Motive matters, too, and the motives of listeners matter more than the motives of speakers.

A good listener seeks the truth and meaning in what another says, even if distilling that truth and meaning requires a very fine strainer. But an awful lot of people listen first for error and offense – and stop listening when either appears. This is unfortunate, because errors are common and offense could be unintended. Yet indignation has become a reflex rather than a choice. 

When a neighbor cheerfully wishes you a “Happy Holiday, Merry Christmas or Blessing of the Goddess,” do you really think they intend to mock your beliefs? Listening for truth and meaning might require a bit of de-sensitivity training; can you not smile at an errant notion and give your neighbor a pass? Can you choose to not be offended?

Of this you can be sure: if you listen for error and offense, you will surely find them. But it is also true that if you listen for truth and meaning, you will surely find them. It is a very rare person who has nothing to teach.

The rhetorical excesses of marketing, diplomacy and political correctness naturally arouse our defensive instincts, but not everyone out there is trying to trick us.  Besides, listening for truth and meaning filters out the dissemblers just as effectively as listening for error and offense, but allows one to learn new things along the way.

Listening for error and offense simply confirms what we already believe and distracts us from clearly understanding what the other wishes to communicate; we learn nothing listening this way.

Communication should not be viewed as a competition, but rather a covenant. Our purpose must not be to best each other, but to learn from each other, and better ourselves by finding new insights, ideas and inspiration. What are you listening for?