Blog editor Dean Zatkowsky recently attended an all-class reunion celebrating his high school's fiftieth anniversary. Among his cohort from the class of 1976, Dean reports that the conversation usually turned to elder care, as he and his friends discussed the challenges - and honor - of providing for their aging parents. But the subtext of the discussion was the number of sibling relationships and marriages that had been damaged by conflicts connected to elder care.

Time and again, Dean heard of sisters who hadn't spoken in ten years, since one took care of mom while the other fled the scene. He heard about cruel and resentful husbands - now ex-husbands - who added to the pain of their in-laws' last years with selfish demands and petty complaints.

Some people may cite these damaged relationships as evidence that our nation needs to provide more resources for seniors, but I was struck by the fact that, in most of these situations, the families had adequate resources to care for their elders, but some members lacked a sense of duty or responsibility beyond their nuclear family. Elder care was not the cause of these family divisions, but was merely a convenient excuse.

I know three siblings who are working together to care for their parents, and the siblings' spouses are working right alongside them. All contribute financially, according to their ability, but they contribute time and talent as well. One son handles bookkeeping, one daughter-in-law does the gardening, one son-in-law manages household maintenance, and one daughter provides transportation and daily monitoring. All three siblings stand ready to take their parents into their own homes, if necessary. For the last three years, despite Alzheimer's and Diabetes and Heart Disease, they've kept their parents healthy at home by working together. Or should I say, by working as a family.

During the twentieth century, society focused ever more attention on the nuclear family - one group of parents and children. Here and abroad, government pensions had the unintended consequence of separating extended families and reducing our individual sense of responsibility for our elders. Ironically, our attempts to make older citizens more independent have made many of them completely dependent on the government.

Until recently, it seemed as if only the very poor and the very rich maintained multigenerational households. According to the 2000 census, only 4% of households were considered multigenerational.

If there is a silver lining to our current economic crisis, it may be the rise in multi-generational, extended family households. According to Generations United, a non-profit devoted to intergenerational strategies, programs, and policy, "Families have discovered that living together has numerous rewards for all generations. There is an emotional closeness that often forms with physical proximity. Grandparents and great-grandparents are involved in assisting with grandchildren's growth and development while sharing family history. Grandchildren learn how to care for and take care of their elders. Family members help to balance each other's busy lives and share in daily activities. Additionally, there is constant companionship, which alleviates feelings of loneliness. Sharing financial responsibilities can reduce money strain and related stress while allowing individuals to save for the future."

"Family" is a pretty big word. As we debate the government's role in healthcare, housing, and education, we should also consider the role of family, presuming we take time and effort to understand what "family" really means.